Happy Would-Be 48th Birthday

Today, my brother, would have been 48 years old. It's hard to believe it's been almost 20 years since he passed away. Or that I'm old enough to have something like that to say. "My brother has been gone for almost 20 years."

Shell, he wasn't prefect. I know that. My other brother remembers him differently from what I do. He grew up with Shell, I didn't. Shell was like the uncle that came around everyone once in a while and did fun things with me. But he was my brother, and picked on me. I still remember getting mad at him for asking, "Digging for gold?" when he caught me picking my nose.

Shell made choices in his life that I don't approve of, now, as I have become a mother. He lived his life in a manner that wasn't morally clean. But, I know that God loved him no matter what Shell's choices were. I know that Shell loved God and had a very personal relationship with Him.

This month, I've been posting on my Facebook the things that I am thankful for. Today, I am thankful for my brother. I knew he loved me. I knew that he cared for me. I am thankful for the times we got to spend together before he passed away.

I remember going to the Zoo with him. I had to pee, so in I went into the girls bathroom. And like any ladies room, there was a long line. I was in there a while. When I finally came out, Shell was in a near panic. I had to explain that there was a line. I don't think he took his eyes off of me for the rest of the trip.

Or the time Duane was Santa in a mall. Our parents took us to the mall that Duane was working at, and we took a picture of the three of us, on Duane's Santa lap.

Another year, Shell took me to see Santa. He asked if Shell was my father. Good think I knew already that Santa wasn't real. Because the real Santa would have known that was my brother.

Shell came home for Christmas the year he died. I remember making all sorts of cookies and candies with him. It was so much fun.

But, without him passing away, I'm not sure if I would have joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I don't know. God has back up plans for everything, so maybe. But I do know, that because Shell died, I was curious about the after life and going to church. The ground work had been laid by my half-sister many years before, and my parents and brothers joined the church years before I was born.

It's amazing to see how God has a plan for everything. The many steps it took to bring me to where I am today. And Shell, played an important part. It just sucks that he had to died in order for all this to come to pass.

So, today, on Shell's would be 48th birthday, I remember all the things he taught me. All the love he showed me. And all the fun times we had. And try to to be mad at him for leaving at such a young age. For never getting to approve of my husband or meeting his nephews and nieces. I'll try to over look that and just be thankful for what time I did get to spend with him.

I love you Shell! Happy Birthday!