It's been awhile, so I'm sorry. Leo's blessing was on the 4th. It was great to see my parents, Steve's mom and step-dad, and my parents missionary. He lives in Riverton, and has come to all of our baby blessings. I have a few pictures, but just not all the ones I want to post. I have more on our camera that I still have to download. Sorry. I'll work on that this weekend.
Ok, so have you ever had one of those mornings where you wake up and just feel stuck and empty? I did this morning. I'm just done with everything. Deep down inside I just want to runaway from being a mother and a wife. (I know it's horrible, so please don't judge me) My kids are wonderful and good most of the time (just not at Church for some reason). And Steve is the most wonderful man/husband ever. I love him so much. But I just feel like mentally, I'm done. I don't want to parent today. I don't want to clean the house today (I've started doing the FLY Lady system and it's wonderful! I've never had a clean house for one whole week!). I just feel stuck in a rut. I'm not doing anything to increase my knowledge (right now I really want to go back to school, but can't). I feel useless and unimportant. I feel ignored and forgotten. Funny, I've felt that way most of my life. I guess you can say that's the product of moving over 20 times in my short 24 almost 25 years of living. I don't have roots to call home. I don't have a best friend from childhood. Even in my adult life, people who I would consider best friends, don't really return that feeling of bestness. Of course, Steve is my best friend, but at times like these, he doesn't count. I don't have any "girlfriends" that would invite me out to a girls night out. Anyways, I'm just stuck and don't know how to get out. I'm sure that by tomorrow, I'll be fine, I always have a quick turn around from these feelings, but at the moment, I just don't know how. Sorry for the venting or whatever this is. I can tell Steve this, and he'll just say I need to go get a job so I can have adult interaction. Or to get a hobby. Or something like that. I'm just stuck in a rut and seriously, I'm not sure if I want to get out, or if I do want to get out, I don't know how.
6 comments:
I'm sorry you're having a rough day! I've felt similar before, especially as a mom, that my brain was turning to sludge and I wanted some kind of stimulation. Here is what I did and you NEED to do this! Take an institute class! It's okay to start half way through the semester. Just pick a time when Steve is home and go. You will feel so much better, plus you'll meet new people. I hope you feel better tomorrow!
I am sorry that your having a bad day. We missed you at the luncheon today. If you need a gno let me know. Its tough being a mom, a lot of work. Your doing great though. I know that your not alone wanting to take a break. It can get quite overwhelming. Don't be to hard on yourself.
megan
Oh Sara, I think we all feel that way some days. I know I do. I hope it passes soon. In the mean time I hope you find a way to get out with Steve, or a another mom. I wish I was closer, I would go out on a girls night with you!! You are doing your best, and you are doing what you are supposed to at this time in your life, I know it. Love ya!
Oh I'm so glad that it's not just me that feels that way sometimes! You know what has helped me? I have loved exercising. I think my favorite has been yoga. I found a really cheap yoga class to take through the city, and I have loved it. It's both a good work out, and it's sooo relaxing. Also, it's really early in the morning, so Nate and Reid are still asleep. It's really hard to find time, but it's so worth it. I also wished that I lived closer so we could go do some yoga together!
I'm really sorry you're feeling so "stuck"! I know how you feel, I think that at some point everyone does. Hang in there! It seems to be a reaccurent statement but, if I was closer I'd hang out with you too!
Hey, Sarah! I know that you left this online a little while ago, but to be honest when I feel the same as you were describing I tend to hide out rather than get online. I agree with what you are saying, 110%!! All I can really do right now is just offer the same old "want to go scrapbook with me"? To be honest, I'm still stuck with kids 24/7 and about to get worse since school is getting out and Johnny's schedule at work seems to have bumped up to 6 days a week...but maybe Steve would take the kids for a day and we can head to the church or maybe a matinee? Let me know what you think and when you want to try for it!
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