I gave a talk

Just about a month ago, I gave a talk in church. I wanted to share it with everyone. I thought it was pretty good! Sorry, it's a lot of text, so good on ya if you read it all! Thanks!

Good afternoon brothers and sisters. It is my privilege to speak to you today about The First Great Commandment. I pray that the Spirit will be with me to guide me and calm my nerves.

I found three great talks by three great men about the First Great Commandment. President Ezra Taft Benson and Elders Joseph B Wirthlin and Jeffery R. Holland. I'll be quoting all three of them today.

President Benson said:

"The great test of life is obedience to God. “We will prove them herewith,” said the Lord, “to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them” (Abr. 3:25).

The great task of life is to learn the will of the Lord and then do it.

The great commandment of life is to love the Lord.

“Come unto Christ,” exhorts Moroni in his closing testimony, “… and love God with all your might, mind and strength” (Moro. 10:32).

This, then, is the first and great commandment: “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength” (Mark 12:30; see also Matt. 22:37; Deut. 6:5; Luke 10:27; Moro. 10:32; D&C 59:5).

It is the pure love of Christ, called charity, that the Book of Mormon testifies is the greatest of all—that never faileth, that endureth forever, that all men should have, and that without which they are nothing (see Moro. 7:44–47; 2 Ne. 26:30).

“Wherefore, my beloved brethren,” pleads Moroni, “pray unto the Father with all the energy of [your] heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him” (Moro. 7:48).

In the closing accounts of both the Jaredites and the Nephites, Moroni records that except men shall have this pure love of Christ, called charity, they cannot inherit that place which Christ has prepared in the mansions of His Father nor can they be saved in the kingdom of God (see Ether 12:34; Moro. 10:21).

The fruit that Lehi partook of in his vision and that filled his soul with exceeding great joy and that was most desirable above all things was the love of God.

To love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength is all-consuming and all-encompassing. It is no lukewarm endeavor. It is total commitment of our very being—physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually—to a love of the Lord." Close quote

That may seem hard. How do you love someone that you have no memory of ever meeting? How do you love someone so much and so hard, when you cannot see them?

It sounds difficult. So why then? Why should we love God with all that energy?

President Benson states:

"Why did God put the first commandment first? Because He knew that if we truly loved Him we would want to keep all of His other commandments. “For this is the love of God,” says John, “that we keep his commandments” (1 Jn. 5:3; see also 2 Jn. 1:6).

When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the claims for our affection, the demands on our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities.

We should put God ahead of everyone else in our lives.

God our Father, Jesus, our Elder Brother and our Redeemer, and the Holy Ghost, the Testator, are perfect. They know us best and love us most and will not leave one thing undone for our eternal welfare. Should we not love them for it and honor them first?" close quote

That's why. When we put God first, everything will fall into place. Life won't seem so hard, because we will be yoked to the Lord. We will be baring some of His burdens, so ours will be lightened.

We live in a world today that isn't so much different from a time when the ancient church was first established. Christ had just died and the church was in disarray. Now, I'm not saying that the church, today, is in disarray, but that the world is and is leaking into church members thoughts and opinions of how things should be. The Apostle Paul had some things to say about that. Elder Wirthlin explains:

"In the first century A.D., members of the growing Church in Corinth were enthusiastic about the gospel. Almost all were recent converts to the Church. Many were attracted to it through the preaching of the Apostle Paul and others.

But the Saints at Corinth were also contentious. They argued amongst themselves. Some felt superior to others. They took each other to court.

When Paul heard this, feeling a sense of frustration, he wrote them a letter, pleading with them to become more unified. He answered many of the questions they had been arguing about. Then, toward the end, he told them that he wanted to show them “a more excellent way.”1

“Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity,” he told them, “I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.”2

Paul’s message to this new body of Saints was simple and direct: Nothing you do makes much of a difference if you do not have charity. You can speak with tongues, have the gift of prophecy, understand all mysteries, and possess all knowledge; even if you have the faith to move mountains, without charity it won’t profit you at all.3" close quote

Without the Pure love of Christ - Charity, or the First Great Commandment, we are nothing. And all that we do is for not. Loving God is everything. It's what makes sense in the world. To love someone that Loves you no matter what. No matter what you do, have done, or will do, only makes you want to love Him more. And with everything that you have in you.

Elder Wirthlin continues:

“Charity is the pure love of Christ.”4 The Savior exemplified that love and taught it even as He was tormented by those who despised and hated Him.

On one occasion the Pharisees tried to trap Jesus by asking Him a seemingly impossible question: “Master,” they asked, “which is the great commandment in the law?”5

But when the Pharisees heard His answer, they must have been troubled, for it pointed to their great weakness. He replied:

“Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

“This is the first and great commandment.

“And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

“On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.”7

The scriptures tell us that “if any man love God, the same is known of him.”8 What a wonderful promise—to be known of Him. It makes the spirit soar to think that the Creator of heaven and earth could know us and love us with a pure, eternal love.

In 1840 the Prophet Joseph sent an epistle to the Twelve wherein he taught that “love is one of the chief characteristics of Deity, and ought to be manifested by those who aspire to be the sons of God. A man filled with the love of God, is not content with blessing his family alone, but ranges through the whole world, anxious to bless the whole human race.”9

Both commandments are necessary, for as we bear one another’s burdens, we fulfill the law of Christ.11

Love is the beginning, the middle, and the end of the pathway of discipleship. It comforts, counsels, cures, and consoles. It leads us through valleys of darkness and through the veil of death. In the end love leads us to the glory and grandeur of eternal life." close quote

There are many times in my life, that I have forgotten this first commandment. Where I haven't loved God with all that I have. I had shifted my focus onto myself. And you know what? Life wasn't that fun. It was hard. I didn't much care for my family, my kids, myself. And I wondered why nobody wanted to be my friend, or wanted to serve me. Woe is me.

But, then I was pregnant. For me, getting pregnant is one way to help me get back on track. Why? Because I am doing something amazing that only God has ever done. Anyway, I found myself with child and seeing all that was wrong with our life, with my life. I was so low on those steps up, that it looked like it would take forever to be up where I knew that Heavenly Father wanted and needed me to be at. So I started doing the "little things" (starting and ending my day with prayers, reading my scriptures, focusing my love on Christ and Heavenly Father, drawing nearer to them, and trying to find ways to server my neighbors and ward members. The best thing I heard at that time, was in the Marriage and Family class we were taking at the time.

Imagine a triangle. At the top point is God. And on the bottom two points are you and your spouse. When you draw nearer to God, you and your spouse draw nearer together.

That blew my mind.

And it has stuck. And that road to where I knew I should be, took a while to get there. There were a lot of two steps forward and one step back. But I stuck with it. I improved upon myself, sought after the will of the Lord's, and prayed to know what He would have me be. I let His love shape me into something you have today. :)

I'm not prefect, and I always feel like I could be closer to Christ and Heavenly Father. My goal for this year was to draw nearer to them and truly learn more about Them and to love Them even more. And it's working. I see that I am not that person I was all those years ago. I'm better. And I have way more love to give and share because I love the Lord all that much more.

Elder Holland sums up what I'm trying to say much better:

"My beloved brothers and sisters, I am not certain just what our experience will be on Judgment Day, but I will be very surprised if at some point in that conversation, God does not ask us exactly what Christ asked Peter: “Did you love me?” I think He will want to know if in our very mortal, very inadequate, and sometimes childish grasp of things, did we at least understand one commandment, the first and greatest commandment of them all—“Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind.”13 And if at such a moment we can stammer out, “Yea, Lord, thou knowest that I love thee,” then He may remind us that the crowning characteristic of love is always loyalty.

“If ye love me, keep my commandments,”14 Jesus said. So we have neighbors to bless, children to protect, the poor to lift up, and the truth to defend. We have wrongs to make right, truths to share, and good to do. In short, we have a life of devoted discipleship to give in demonstrating our love of the Lord. We can’t quit and we can’t go back" close quote

We can't quit and we can't go back. I don't know about you, brothers and sisters, but I have tasted of that good fruit that Lehi had in his dream. And it was sooo good!! I don't want to go back to where I was before. Why would I? Why should you? If we truly love the Lord God with all our heart, we would do whatever it is He wants us to do. And hasn't He told us what that is?

Elder Wirthlin tells us what those acts can and should be:

" Sometimes the greatest love is not found in the dramatic scenes that poets and writers immortalize. Often, the greatest manifestations of love are the simple acts of kindness and caring we extend to those we meet along the path of life.

True love lasts forever. It is eternally patient and forgiving. It believes, hopes, and endures all things. That is the love our Heavenly Father bears for us.

Do you love the Lord?

Spend time with Him. Meditate on His words. Take His yoke upon you. Seek to understand and obey, because “this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments.”16 When we love the Lord, obedience ceases to be a burden. Obedience becomes a delight. When we love the Lord, we seek less for things that benefit us and turn our hearts toward things that will bless and uplift others.

As our love for the Lord deepens, our minds and hearts become purified. We experience a “mighty change in … our hearts, that we have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually.”

Love is the greatest of all the commandments—all others hang upon it. It is our focus as followers of the living Christ. It is the one trait that, if developed, will most improve our lives." close quote

I can bare solemn testimony to that. For my love of Christ and Heavenly Father has changed my life. It has made it better. It has made my burden as a mother easier and more enjoyable. I have joy now where once, I did not. I have a great appreciation for my life and my families life that I want others to know what I have. To enjoy what I have.

In closing, I would like to share the rather long quote by President Benson. It sums up everything that I want to say. He says:

God loves us; the devil hates us. God wants us to have a fulness of joy as He has. The devil wants us to be miserable as he is. God gives us commandments to bless us. The devil would have us break these commandments to curse us.

Daily, constantly, we choose by our desires, our thoughts, and our actions whether we want to be blessed or cursed, happy or miserable. One of the trials of life is that we do not usually receive immediately the full blessing for righteousness or the full cursing for wickedness. That it will come is certain, but ofttimes there is a waiting period that occurs, as was the case with Job and Joseph.

In the meantime the wicked think they are getting away with something. The Book of Mormon teaches that the wicked “have joy in their works for a season, [but] by and by the end cometh, and they are hewn down and cast into the fire, from whence there is no return” (3 Ne. 27:11).

During this testing time the righteous must continue to love God, trust in His promises, be patient, and be assured, as the poet said, that—

Who does God’s work will get God’s pay,

However long may seem the day,

However weary be the way.

No mortal hand, God’s hand can stay,

He may not pay as others pay,

In gold, or lands, or raiments gay,

In goods that perish and decay;

But God’s high wisdom knows a way,

And this is sure, let come what may—

Who does God’s work will get God’s pay.

I testify to you that God’s pay is the best pay that this world or any other world knows anything about. And it comes in full abundance only to those who love the Lord and put Him first.

The great test of life is obedience to God.

The great task of life is to learn the will of the Lord and then do it.

The great commandment of life is, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength” (Mark 12:30)." close quote

I like to add my faith and testimony to that and say these things in the name of Jesus Christ. amen

When I Grow Up

Hey y'all! I'm still here! I'm still kickin!!!

Sorry it's been awhile. Summer got really busy and I've got a little lady that keeps growing and wants mama's milk All. The. Time.

School has started, and I now have three in school and three at home!

Leo - Kindergarten

Zoe - 2nd Grade

Jake - 3rd Grade

 In Leo's class:

 In Zoe's Class:

 In Jake's class:

 After school shots:

They all had a blast! I'm so excited for those three kiddos. It's going to be a great year!

Which, now, my point of the title, "When I Grow Up."

You see, when Steve asked my dad if he could marry me, (yup, Steve got permission to marry me! How sweet!) my dad made Steve promise him that I would finish my education. Since I was a freshmen in college and all, and my parents never went to college. So that was the deal.

And that was the plan for a while. Steve and I both went to Utah State for one semester. Then I got pregnant with Zoe, and we needed more money for school, I worked until I couldn't anymore. Then we borrowed way too much money in private student loans, and Steve finished school. He was closer to doing so, and since he would be the bread winner, it made sense for him to go to school and get it done first. Plus, we both felt it was my time to stay at home and keep having kids. And I had set a goal to get my teaching degree by the time I was 30.

But, the other part of Heavenly Father's plan, was for me to change my chosen career path. Since 3rd grade, I knew I wanted to teach. Even at a young age, I knew that I wanted to be a high school history teacher. Even then, I couldn't stand little kids. lol!

So, that's what I did, when I went to Western and Utah State. I took a lot of generals and history courses.

But then, I was having kids. And my passion for natural child birth and women's voices in child birthing grew. I wanted a natural child birth with all my kids, but with the first two, things didn't work out. My of OB/GYNs told me what I should do. With Leo, I went natural, but the support I got from the nurses and my Doc, wasn't great. I remember looking for a Midwife in Logan, but there wasn't one there. With Teage, I needed the interventions to get him safely here, and quickly.

Then the most wonderful thing happened. We moved! And to hippie central, Portland, OR! There, I met women that cloth diapered and had midwives. There was a ton of midwives around, and the best school for midwifery around, OHSU. So, with Dexter and Gwen, I had my natural births withe two very wonderful midwives.

That's when I felt my calling. My passion for giving birth and listening to your body grew. I read story after story of friends that had horrible births, I felt myself wanting to be their advocate. I wanted to be there for them and help them with their births.

So, after much thought, prayer, and a few wonderful blessings from Steve, I am going back to school myself. But, instead of becoming a teacher, I'm going to be a midwife. And hopefully, I'll get this done by the time I'm 40! Since I just turned 30 a few weeks ago.

It's a long road ahead of me. A good solid 10 years or more, of schooling. Because, it's been about 8 years since I went to school, I feel like I need to better my grades from all those years ago. And refresh my memory in math. 

I want to go to school full time, but who knows. I'll be relying heavily on what the Lord feels is best for me. And I still have one more child left in Heaven to bring into this world.

My plan is this:

Generals done by August 2015

Nursing Degree done by December 2018

BSN degree done by June 2020

MN/DNP (Nurse-Midwife/Doctor of Nursing Practice) done by June 2023

Throw in one more kid, kids still at home until maybe 2019, and I'll need to work as an RN in Labor and Delivery for at least a year before I start at OHSU.

It's a huge goal. Overwhelming at times. And who knows, I might have to finish school at another university if we move (I hope not, I LOVE IT here!).

Steve gave me a wonderful blessing on Tuesday night. Promising me that the Lord wants this for me. That this is His plan for me. 

Never before have I felt so strongly that that this is what my calling is suppose to be. An advocate for women. To help them where there is sometimes no help. 

I can't help but think, that I needed to have most of my babies before I really knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. I have so much passion and drive. I know I can do this. Besides becoming a mother, I have never wanted anything like this before.

So, wish me luck. I'm going to need it. And say a few prayers for me too. My math is super rusty, and I'm not the best at English (if you couldn't tell).

Cheers!

How Do You Know?

Lately I've been experiencing things that could have brought into question my testimony, faith, beliefs. The same things that have brought some of my friends to question the same things, but have been lead astray.

If you follow me on Facebook, you know that one friend has blocked me because of this.

Last night I cried myself to sleep because of this. Why? Because I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is true! I know that the Book of Mormon is true. And I know that Joseph Smith was a true prophet of God. I know that we are lead today by God's chosen prophet, Thomas S. Monson. And because I know these things, all the things the world is telling me is wrong, I know that they are wrong. There is no wavering. I know!

It breaks my heart that so many of my friends have let the devils icy fingers in and around their heart. That they have let down their guard and have forgotten the things that they know. I keep hearing "the philosophies of men mingled with scripture" running through my head when I see them walking away. I don't just want my family to endure to the end and make it to the very top of heaven. I want all my friends to be there with me. I really do. What kind of heaven will it be if only family is there? Ok, my family rocks, and it will be a blast, but I still want to party with my friends up there too!

There was a time in my youth that I didn't feel this way. I wasn't active in the church. I wasn't doing the things I should have been doing. I let a bishop drive me away. I let myself be offended and could care less what others thought of me. Then, as if over night, I ran smacked dab into the wall. I hated myself. I hated the guy I was dating (sorry). I hated where I was going.

Now, I could have dwelt in the self-hatred and turned to men for "help", or drugs or drink. I could have left the church for good.

But I didn't. All that would have lead to darkness. And I was already in a dark place. Instead, I turned to the light. At first, I read my patriarchal blessing. It helped me to see how God saw me and what I could become.

After reading it, I got down on my knees and prayed. I prayed harder then I ever had in my life, at that point. I wanted to know that He loved me. That I wasn't too far gone. That He would take me back despite all the bad choices I was making. I prayed to know what to do. I then was greeted with the most powerful spiritual hug I have ever gotten. I was enveloped in warmth burning fire. I could feel Christ's and Heavenly Father's arms around me. Whispering, through the Holy Ghost, that I wasn't lost. I that I was loved. Loved more than I could ever really comprehend. I was then told the things I needed to do.

I read the Book of Mormon, for the first time, cover to cover. I started going back to church. I apologized to the girls that made life hard for me. And I for them. I went to institute and learned as much as I could from Brother and Sister Weaver.

I then got down on my knees, after having read the Book of Mormon, and asked if it were true. I asked if Joseph Smith really saw Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I asked if this church was true. And if Gordon B Hinkley (he was the prophet then) if he was indeed a prophet as well. Again, I felt the burning and knew that it all was true.

I went to college and started the repentance process. And well, the rest is history.

I have not blindly followed the teachings of this church. I have not just taken the word of everything that has been taught. I have gotten on my knees and worked it out with the Lord, until I could understand it for myself.

What I wish I had done, was find these truths before I messed things up. I wish I would have listened to my leaders and teachers and read the Book of Mormon when I was just baptized. I wish I would have gained this testimony then, instead of doing things the hard way.

Just because things turned out well now, there is a small part of me that wonders, what if? Now, I do know that where I am today, and who I am with was truly meant to be. God knew I would mess up and lead me to the prefect person for me to marry and have His children with. It's amazing how things all work out.

So, I'm writing this in hopes that maybe the youth will be inspired to not do as I did, but do as I say. :) Gain an unshakable testimony NOW! If you don't understand something, ask your leaders, your Sunday School teacher, your parents or your bishop. Most importantly, take it to the Lord in prayer. He will answer your questions. Be unmovable NOW! Know what you are standing up for NOW! Don't wait, or say hey, Sister Richins turned out ok, so things will work out for me. I am the exception to the rule. Most don't come back. Most leave for good. And now I'm seeing my friends leave over things that I have taken to the Lord in prayer and learned of His truth. Know these things NOW! So maybe, just maybe, you won't be shaken when you are an adult.

This video talks about the very thing I'm saying. Gain your testimony now. Pray about it. Sincerely pray about seeking out the answers. If you knock, He will answer.

Mother's Day 2013

We didn't do much for Mother's Day, this year. I did, finally, take a photo of myself with the kids. I don't know why we didn't do that before. Oh well. Better late then never!

Leo, Zoe, me, Gwen, Teage, Jake, and Dexter

 Zoe wanted to have painted toes like mine. So I painted her's and Gwen's for Mother's Day!

It was a great day! Steve got me so beautiful earrings. Jake gave me a handmade card, candy and magnets he made at school. Zoe gave me a coupon book and a drawing. And Leo gave me a drawing of us.

The other kids were good. And that's a great present for me!

Steve made me a steak dinner, and it was super yummy!

All in all, a great Mother's Day!

Welcome Gwen!!

Well, she's finally here!

Gwen Annette

Born 3/22

8:17 am

9 lbs 7 oz

21 1/4 inches

She has quiet the birth story! Wanna hear it???? ;)

So, on Friday, the 15th, I thought I was in labor. I had contractions all day long. So, we called my mother-in-law down, sent the kids to a friends house, called the midwife and went into the hospital. We were there for a long time. I can't remember how long. We came home around 10. My friend kept the kids at her house so we could all get a good nights sleep. In hopes I would be back to the hospital in the next few days to have a baby.

My due date came and went.

Me at 40 weeks and a day

On Tuesday, my due date, I again, thought I was in labor. This time, we left all the grandma's at home and went to the hospital to be sure I was actually in labor. We spent about 7 hours there trying to get things going. Nothing was working. I was sent home having a few contractions, but nothing regular.

Going past my due date was hard for me. I have never thought I would be one of those ladies. I guess I had it coming to me because of my five early births.

I tried really hard to be of good cheer, but I'm pretty sure no one was liking to be around me. lol!

My dad showed up Tuesday, unexpectedly. It was nice to have Boppie around for a bit.

Wednesday and Thursday were normal days. Kids went to school, I did stuff around the house. Ran some errands. My mother-in-law can't be down here, without some VooDoo donuts, so we made a trip down to Portland and bought a TON of donuts. Dropped off Steve's donuts at his office, and came home and pigged out on donuts.

Thursday night I was starting to have a few stronger contractions as we went to bed, but nothing to get excited about. I was sure they would go away as soon as I went to sleep.

Steve and I talked about how we were feeling and doing that night. We both were done and just wanted to move forward, but it wasn't our choice to make. We just had to leave it up to Gwen and the Lord. I went to bed, but couldn't get to sleep.

After finally getting to sleep, I woke up to go potty around 1 and then had a really painful contraction. Steve was already up with a sick Teage downstairs (he was having a hard to breathing laying down, so sitting up on the couch with a little tv on helped relax him and got him to sleep without the congestion bothering him) and I didn't want to bother him, so I just tried to go back to sleep.

Didn't happen. Half an hour later I was downstairs begging Steve to come up with me to help me with the contractions. I was scared that this was going to be a long night with nothing to show for it. So we just went one contraction at a time. They were hard and really spaced apart. Between 2-4 am, they were about 8-10 minutes apart. :(  I was able to get some rest, but it wasn't very good. At 5, they started to get much closer and I felt the panic of needing to go to the hospital. So I got in the shower and prayed that this was it. Steve showered and we said some prayers, got a blessing and then called the midwife. 

At that point, they were about 3-4 minutes apart. I was told to come on in. We left everyone behind again, just to be sure I was in labor before we brought everyone with us. And by everyone, I mean my mom and mother-in-law. My dad saw a few of my contractions as we were leaving. He was up with Teage for us. Dad didn't like seeing me in so much pain. So he offered to stay home with the kids and get Jake and Zoe off to school when it was time.

We got to the hospital. The walk was awful. I was just thankful that the main doors were open and we didn't have to wait for someone to let us in, or go around to the ER.

We got to Family Birth, checked in, and were escorted to a triage room. Seriously, I was like, I know this is my third time coming in, but I'm 99% sure this is happening. Ok whatever.

We got there and I saw it was set up for a birth. I heard a lady in the room across the way in labor as well. WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON???

So, Thursday afternoon, there was a huge storm roll by. There was a tornado just a few miles down the road from where we live. This storm must have set every pregnant woman into labor because they were FULL! Every room had a laboring woman in it. I was one of three, maybe four ladies, that would deliver in a tiny triage room.

This room, I kid you not, was the just a little bit bigger then a doctor office's room. There was a tiny bed, two chairs, and some motoring stuff, and not much room for anything else.

The whole way to the hospital I was praying that I was at least a 6 and was able to get into a tub and relax. Then to be able to have a waterbirth. When they told me that this was Bethlehem and there was no room, I didn't get it. What are you talking about? No room?

The midwife wanted to check me, but the other woman across the way was getting close to pushing and the other midwife that was actually on call was on her way. After Donna showed up, it was only a few minutes, I was checked.  She was so quite and talked so fast, I wasn't sure I heard her right.

I asked, "Did you just say 8-9???"

"Yes"

"What the hell?"

I was just asked by the nurses what my plans for pain were. I had just got my head around of the loss of a waterbirth, and I really didn't want to have another natural birth, so I was gearing up for an epidural. But when Donna said 8-9, that went out the window. I started to cry.

I was crying because I was so close to being done. I feared I would last forever at this station. And I had to endure that pain once again. I hadn't plan for this. I wasn't ready mentally for it. And now I had to make that switch and in only an hour be pushing out a huge baby. That was at 7:15 am.

Steve texted his mom to get here ASAP. Shortly after that, I was up trying to deal with the labor. I had a share the bathroom with another couple and waiting to go pee was painful. lol! I got a birthing ball, which took up the rest of the room to move in. It helped a bit. I tried standing, but didn't feel good. The pain was all in my back. So I got on the tiny bed on my hands and knees, Steve got up behind me and would apply pressure to my back when the contractions came. I was like that for about 15 minutes I think. 

Then I needed to stand. I stood and felt like pushing. That's when all the fun stuff happened. I pushed for a bit, but then felt like getting on the bed again. I was in mid push when the Grandmas showed up. lol

I tried pushing on my back for a bit. In one push, my water finally broke. It's never broken on it's own before. And this one was memorable  I hit the wall! That's right people, in mid push, I head the psst, my midwife jumped to the side and I heard a splat. Then the whole room erupted in laughter as they realized my water just almost got Donna in the face and it had hit the wall. I would have laughed too, but I was still in mid push-contraction and the nurses holding my legs open were jiggling my legs and it hurt. I told them to stop laughing. 

I got to more pushing, but it just didn't feel like I was getting anything done. I guess I was, but I was in so much pain. I had hit the wall and was off in my head thinking I can't do this. Get the forceps, get her out of me. That's when the midwife got to talking to me and pulled me out of my head. She asked me what I wanted to do. She wanted me on my hands and knees again, but I didn't like that idea. Before I could make up my mind, someone said to get me on my left side. So I was rolled onto my side. Somewhere during this time, an oxygen mask was put on me. On my side, I felt like I wasn't doing anything. They asked me again what I wanted, and before I could say that I needed to stand, all I said was I need to move, they rolled me onto my right side. Searing pain shot up my whole right side. I screamed. I almost threw up. The midwife said sometimes the best position is the one that hurts the most. I had enough of this crap, so I started to stand and said I want to stand.

So, I stood up. I couldn't breathe. They fixed my mask. And as soon as the next contraction came, I pushed. I groaned and pushed. I felt the baby's head come down and almost out. I remember needing to spread my legs more and squat lower. Steve was amazing and held me up the whole time. After wards, I could feel him shaking. He was my hero right then and there.

And that's how Gwen was born. With Steve holding me up, I'm standing and bearing down, my midwife sitting on the floor. My mother-in-law said that Gwen's head came out soooo slowly. I remember her saying that Gwen's head is out, her eyes, oh my gosh her cheeks, her chin. To me, it felt like forever to get her body out. Once I got the head out, I remember thinking almost done. But her shoulders took forever to get out. I don't think it was until she was almost all the way that she finally slipped out.

That was an hour and 2 minutes after I was checked. I NEVER have births like this. It was all hard to wrap my head around. And it still is.

I remember looking down and back to see her there. I remember saying, "I did it" over and over again.

I remember a nurse saying, "Donna the baby needs to cry." And then Donna saying, "Gwen, cry" and Gwen started crying.

They took her out to the warming bed. There was no room in the room for that, and I got in bed. I demanded my baby. What was taking so long. My mother-in-law came in with the baby and I got to hold her.

At that point, we knew she was 9 lbs 7 oz. I was stunned. I didn't feel like I looked like I had that big of a baby inside of me. No wonder I had such a hard time getting her out.

Donna was a mess. She was covered in blood from head to toe. There was blood everywhere! I sure know how to make a mess of things. The nurses kept giggling about the water break. The mess. They kept saying how awesome I was and that I was the perfect patient. I'm glad they thought so!

We stayed in that tiny room for about an hour. I was having too much bleeding going on. My uterus wasn't clamping down like it should. So I had to get things put in places they shouldn't be. I got a shot of pitocin in the leg. And then I had to have an IV of pit soon after wards. I started to slow down, but that wasn't until they got super scared there for a bit. Finally, after I had stabilized  I was kicked out. There was another lady on the way, and the third triage room was already full. The lady across the way had her baby moments before Gwen was born. We were both patients of the midwives. So, the midwife from on call the night before, stayed to deliver her, and I got Donna.

I was moved to a labor and delivery room for a few hours. While there, I went potty and saw the cause of my bleeding. I hadn't done a good enough job getting all the membranes out, and there in the potty was the rest of them. After that, my bleeding was under control and all was well.

My mother-in-law was kind of enough to go back to our house and send my dad over. My parents left today, so we wanted to let them have lots of time with baby girl.

I was in labor and delivery for a few hours, and then moved to the best room in recovery, well, according to my nurse. I stayed there for the rest of the time.

This birth was just crazy. And funny. I don't know how many times the nurses had to leave the room to go get something they needed. I had two nurses, a midwife, Steve, me, my mother and mother-in-law in this tiny little room. But I'm glad everything worked out. And now I have this beautiful little girl and one crazy story to tell!

Daddy and Gwen cuddling

Mommy and Gwen waiting to go to a stupid postpartum class. I hate that they made me go. But she sure is cute!

Gwen, ready to go home!

39 Weeks

Well, I made it to 39 weeks. yay *eye roll*

39 weeks

My mom came on Saturday. It's been nice to have someone else here during the day. Plus, she won't let me fold my laundry! lol!!

I'm trying to be patient. Not with just waiting for her to come, but with everyone. I'm sort of, how do I put this, not nice right now. Like I said, I'm trying to do better. To just enjoy these last few days with the kids that I have.

Both Teage and Dexter are super cuddly right now. Especially Dexter. He must know that he won't be the baby soon. It's awesome to just cuddle with him. Yesterday, we took a nap together, on the couch. It was nice to have him snuggled up next to me.

As for when I think she's going to come. Soon. Teage's date for his guess, is tomorrow. We'll see what happens. Nothing on the contraction front so far. I've had a few here and there, but nothing like a couple Saturdays ago. Oh wait...contraction.

Whew, that one was kind of strong. I think I've been told to never again have a baby right after work. But at least this time, it wouldn't be a 10 hour shift at Lowe's. (That was with Jake. Steve wasn't very happy about the timing. He was so tired, and wanted to be awake with me the whole time. I let him take a nap.)

Anyway, 39 weeks is usually when this show happens. So let's hope and pray and send good labor vibes, that it happens this week!

38 weeks and still pregnant

Well, I'm still pregnant. I had my doubts on Saturday.

Saturday, we were able to go to the temple with our ward for an all day temple day! It was great!! But, I started having contractions. And they kept going all throughout a session. That's about an hour and half. They kept going all the way from the Temple, to home. And then throughout the Twilight DVD Release party I went to that night. The contractions started at about 3:30 and kept going until midnight.

False labor sucks! I just hope all that contracting actually did something!

Other than that, I'm feeling the nesting urge pretty bad. It might be because my mom is coming on Saturday, and I have Mt. Laundry to tackle. Plus, the kids' rooms are a disaster. I'll make them clean it. Plus, all the last minute stuff I need to get done for baby girl.

Last night I finished prepping all my new girly diapers! And got out the other newborn diapers and put them away! I'm feeling pretty good about that! Plus, her room is all set up and ready to go. 

I'm trying hard to have patients. I know she'll come when she's ready. And I know that I'll have time to get everything that I need to get done, done. 

The kids all made their guesses as to when they think she'll come. This all came about, because Teage declared that baby girl would come in 11 days! That would be the 13th. So we asked all the kids to make their guesses and I put it up on our calendar. Here are their guesses:

Jake - the 18th
Zoe - the 17th
Leo - the 15th (Steve thinks she'll come on the 15th as well)
Teage - the 13th

Ok, so Dexter didn't get a guess. I don't think he cares. I think she'll come on her due date, the 19th.

Speaking of Dexter, I think he's going to have a hard time with the baby. He's going through so pretty bad separation anxiety and he gets super upset if someone other than him, is sitting in my lap. Well, what's left of it, anyways! I hope this isn't the case. I haven't had to deal with jealousy issues with any of my kids. 

I'm just trying to let him cling to me know and get all the cuddles in now, so when she comes, he will know that I still love him. That he isn't being replaced. I'll make sure to still have cuddle time with him when she isn't needing me, or napping.

All in all, I'm feeling pretty good. My spirits are high and I'm just plugging along getting all the stuff done that needs to get done.

I'm just thankful that Steve steps up and does what I can't do anymore. And helps out, even though that means some pretty late nights. I'm a lucky gal!  

Eviction Notice!

Dear Baby Girl,

You have been hereby server your EVICTION NOTICE! You have three weeks to vacate my womb. Or you will be forcibly removed! (Not really, I don't believe in being induced for non medical issues) Please regard this as your final notice!

Sincerely,

Your very tired, cranky, swelling mother


I am now 37 weeks, and considered full term! I see my midwife this Friday. I'm hoping she'll check me. But I'm not expecting much.

Did I mention I hate the last few weeks of pregnancy? I'm huge. There is a baby in my ribs all the time. I'm waking up swollen now. Sleeping is hard. I can barely breathe. I'm tired. My clothes don't fit. I pee all the time. And just doing the simplest things, wear me out.

But it's all worth it in the end. I just not very patient on waiting to that end.

And even though this is number six, labor still scares me. I know what I'm getting myself into. I know how much it's going to hurt. I told this to Steve the other day. He said to remember how nice it was to get in the tub and relax.

I'm planning on doing a water birth. That means, I'll be in water for most of the time. It was relaxing and I barely felt the contractions. It also sped up my labor. So, maybe I won't have a 12+ hour labor with this one! That would be nice!

I'm just done being pregnant. I feel like this pregnancy has gone pretty slow. Like as slow as the first time. Maybe it's because I'm really want this little girl and a small part of me doesn't believe she is a she. I won't be sure until I see her girl parts.

Either way, I'm going to try and not be so grumpy. To focus on enjoying my kids before all my attention is on that little girl. To be happy that I'm healthy and things are going well, so far, in this pregnancy. I'm very lucky to be able to have this many kids, and to be healthy throughout my pregnancy.

Now, where is mama's chocolate? I need a pick me up, before I pick up the mess my "lovely" kids have made!